Hello spring! hello all the lovelies in my life. This will be brief, but I felt the need to touch base with all of you. a blog is still kinda weird to me, like who will read this...but I enjoy writing it. and I'm listening to Michael Franti's song "human Nature", which sorta got me thru chemo in a big way. Fire one, fire two...three through 18 rounds. And now, I'm in the middle of radiation. Which is way different. I can't say easier, but just different. A commitment every day at 3:00 for five weeks. The people are lovely. Dr. Ari Ballanoff, who I went to high school with, is my doc, and is the greatest. The greatest. Radiation is like Star Wars. The sounds. The mechanical sounds of metal on metal. Like Alien. Underwater. And only me in the room.
When I asked the nurse why the sounds of the radiation beams changed octives, she looked at me like I was an alien. She said they never "hear" what goes on in the room after they close that 6" iron door. She wasn't aware of any sort of sound. But she was super curious. So I sung it to her. I think it's an E flat. And then an octive lower. And longer. I've captured some audio (shhhh) but am still trying to let them take a small video camera in there too. The visuals are amazing. With me laying on the moving bed while seeing the image of myself reflecting in the glass above me, arms overhead, vulnerable.
and there's always music in the background. I've been writing down the songs each day. Today, for the third time, it was "brown-eyed girl".
and I'm still deeply in love.
Two more weeks of this, and a Herceptin infusion until August, every 3 weeks. So, almost done. Then tamoxifen for the next five years. But who's counting?im counting the times I get to see all the beautiful things that just happened.
Amazing Kristy Greenwood and Ionah de freitas held a fundraiser for me on Wednesday, called Love + Cookies, at The Denver Bread Company. There were so many levels of deep deep friends there who just showed up. I was amazed and deeply speechless, with cookie tears and warmth. Appreciating everyone. Live music by Kristys husbands band, Grindhouse. They were so incredibly warm and kind and lovely.
I really didn't know what to do with all my emotions.
I stepped outside onto the corner. And it had started raining. I love the rain. I just cried and said a deep thank you appreciation. And went back inside with a wet face.
Life is a journey. Or it is nothing.
