Fire One

sunday evening now, 2 days after my first round of chemo on friday. friday started with daniel picking me up at 7:30, and my day ended at home about 6pm. i got bloodwork, then pre-chemo prep stuff, danny read me poetry while i got examined, and took pictures of my long legs hanging off the end of the table. the tables are too short. i got to try out my port–it works! it works well and i'm glad i have it. it makes everything so much smoother, and i hardly even notice it now. my good friend robyn suggested i name it "portia", so, well, there you have it. 

we also did some yoga breathing and ganesha mudra poses in the doctor's office while we waited. thanks brooke hessler. keep sending some, and keep trying that inverted... :)

the first round, they tell me, will be the longest because of the close monitoring of everything to make sure i respond well. i did! the hardest part was all the benedryl they gave me (standard), which i've never responded to well. it makes me super agitated. but i got through it. i had 4 different chemo drugs infused at separate times, each taking on average about an hour and a half. here are the 4 types of chemo, if anyone is really interested:
1. taxotere 2. carboplatin 3. herceptin 4. perjeta

and tonight is my first self-injection of neupogen, which will help with rebuilding my WBC and bone marrow. oh the fun. at least it's a good orange-colored syringe...


so many people came the first day. seven, to be exact. big love to you all (danny, deAnna, robyn, nanc, georgina, brigid, danny.) i am counting danny in there twice because i feel his strength in this process so deeply, and he takes good notes for me, and writes in my notebook other stuff that isn't related to chemo that i find later the next day and then i cry with love.

brigid made  an argyle sock monkey for me, who i love. we named him Ned (No Evidence of Disease), and i've been sleeping with him every night. she sat in the chair while we talked, and finished sewing on his long tail and floppy ears, and the sunlight was just lighting her up at just the right angle.

i feel good so far. really good. the morning after my first round, i woke up early and drove to boulder to meet with maddie to get up high. that's what i wanted to do the day after chemo. we hiked up to niwot ridge, about 8 miles or so, and looked for mushrooms, found a few. i went off-trail a bunch, looking, but didn't find too many– but i did find an old, old rusty horseshoe, and a little bit later i found a compass. it was pointing north, and i followed it. 

maddie also gave me the little blue knit cap that joyce wore the last few times she hiked. i remembered taking a photo of joyce wearing the cap 2 years ago in June, up at Rocky Mtn National Park Visitor's Center. she stood in front of the photo when you walk into the center, where there is a large photo of a quote from her book "Song of the Alpine". when i asked joyce if she could stand in front of her quote, she asked me, "hat on or off?" i said "on." i'm glad i did. 

daniel and i have been asking all the wonderful nurses/care providers what they do to take care of themselves, to not take the job home-sort-of thing. here are some of their responses:

-learning to play cello, and just climbed up mt. sherman for a concert on top where she played for 18 minutes
-painting watercolors of flowers that go under my bed
-dinner with friends, yoga
-running, but sometimes has road rage because of lengthy commute
...more to come...

and now, tomorrow is monday. i've got plenty of work to do, things to organize, stuff, stuff, stuff...but i am also learning how to slow down a bit with intention. this will be a process. i am strong, and am deeply in love with every one of you. your support makes me sing. big love love love.