what a week

Emily told me to title this blogpost "Portia turned out to be a Beeyotch". (Portia was the name of my port, which is now in some medical trash somewhere. RIP Portia.)

wow, is it really monday? so i was in the ER in the last post, and waiting to see if my port needed to come out–it did. I was taken into surgery on Thursday about 1pm, and the infection was pretty bad. The removal was the most pain i've ever been through in my whole life. Luckily, I had the most amazing nurse, Wilma, who held my hand the entire time and talked me through it all, wiping my tears...I was glad when that was over. And since it was infected, the wound had to be left open (sorry to be graphic!), and packed. A visiting nurse has been, well, visiting me every day to unpack and pack the wound. It's healing up nicely. The visiting nurse's name is Bob, and he's a jolly guy. Nanc was there for the first "unpacking" and we were cracking up about the amount of gauze he pulled outta me (again, sorry to be graphic, but this story is so funny). It really was like one of those magic tricks, where the guy keeps pulling the handkerchiefs out of his pocket. Like the clowns that just keep coming out of the tiniest car... also, we think Nurse Bob has Turrets because he sure does say "damn" in sentences a lot, and other choice swear words...he's a sweetheart though, really. I appreciate him greatly. 

So I've been resting a bunch, and walking a bunch, and made it Friday night to the MCA Rooftop concert, where Georgina and Brigid's band Somerset Catalog was playing. I was pretty tired, but wasn't going to miss it. So so so many friends were there, and it felt like arms were wrapped around me all night. The band was so good, and the little bit of rain felt so fresh. It was the perfect weather for remembering.

So next steps...on Friday, I'm having a PICC line put in to deliver the next round of chemo, which has been changed to Monday (Labor Day), because of the port complications. No barbeques for me!( I think I spelled BBQ wrong...) Then, after that, they'll figure out next steps; whether to put in another port, on the other side, or what. I'm personally hoping to just put a PICC line in each time before, but it's not the best way to deliver chemo, I guess. I kind of don't like ports anymore...

My hair began falling out in clumps on Friday. I've been thinking a lot lately about how that might feel, to lose my hair. When I lived in Santa Fe, I thought about maybe just shaving it off, to experience that (and maybe partly because it was so damn hot there). I don't think I realized how much I really was trying not to think about losing it. I kept jokingly telling people, "well, i've decided to keep my hair during all of this", like it was my choice. 
Snd yesterday, Georgina shaved it off for me. It was way harder, emotionally, than I anticipated. Super vulnerable in an obvious way, but also wow, super freeing. 
It feels great now. It's all patchy, from falling out in clumps I guess, but it's gone. G did a wonderful job, and was the most supportive person on this planet. It's an experience I will never forget.

Again, I am utterly speechless about the fundraising site. People, and many of them I've never even met, are giving in such a way that brings me to my knees. Big love to everyone. Please know how grateful and humbled I am about this entire, wonderful thing.
here's the site Georgina set up: 
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/66h5/holly-mcclelland-s-kicking-cancer-s-ass-fund?utm_source=facebook


here are some photos. 
of, the ER visit, my docs and nurses who were so wonderful, and of me, the way I look now. 

onward, with love and light, 
hol